How I’m Managing My Home (Without Losing My Mind)

Over the years I’ve tried many things to tame my messy house. (Right now I’m laughing at the word “messy.” That word doesn’t seem to do my piles justice. At times I’ve been one dead cat away from an episode of hoarders.) I’ve tried various methods like Kon Mari, minimalism, not caring, caring too much, schedules, lists, delegating to family members, only to have any progress squashed before company arrived to see it.

Minimalism was good for me. It taught me that I didn’t need a lot of stuff to be happy and that less stuff would give me more space and more space could make me happier. Minimalism stuck when it came to my wardrobe and I’m very happy with the results. They say there are only so many decisions a person can make per day before they get burned out and I no longer make decisions about clothes.

My Minimalist Wardrobe

All my socks match so I just grab two and go. My tee shirts come in about 3 main colors and I dress in the dark so I just grab one of those as well. I only have two nice tops for weddings, funerals, etc. so that’s not a big decision, either. All my clothes fit in about 4-6 of those fabric cube organizers on a bookshelf just outside my closet and that includes winter gloves, scarves, and a bathing suit. I only own one pair of shoes and one pair of boots. When they wear out I buy a new pair and throw the old ones away.

I’m sure some of you are thinking I’m insane. I don’t know if it was all the Amish books I wrote that changed my mind about my wardrobe but I enjoy my simple clothing system. I don’t own anything with writing on it because I’m no one’s billboard. I don’t wear loud colors (except the two pink and white shirts I reserve for theme parks) and I even keep my own towels and washcloths on my clothes shelf because they fit and I don’t want to worry about not having a towel when I need one.

My Relationship With UPS

So, why hasn’t this zen lifestyle translated to other areas of my life? Sometimes I think it’s because my family co-owns everything else and I can’t get rid of things that don’t belong to me fully. The other reason is that I’m in love with ordering things on Amazon.

My husband used to get onto me for ordering so much. I would cringe each time the UPS man came and I’d make excuses for why he was here. “Oh, that was the thing you ordered, remember?” Or, “We needed that to organize the kitchen. Remember, we talked about that.” One day he heard UPS had came and I came up with a quick response. “It’s not what you think! I’m having an affair!” Looking back, every UPS man we’ve ever had always said I was their best customer. That should have been my clue to buy less.

Anyway, I’d been working on all aspects of my “too much stuff” issue and a friend told me about Dana K. White’s book, “Decluttering at the Speed of Life.” I bought it when it was on sale but didn’t read it. It sat for years unread.

Marie Kondo Lied to Me

I believed fully in the Kon Mari method. Pile things up by category, dig out the things that spark joy and ditch the rest. I’ve tried it. It works. (Except that time I threw away all but two pair of my underwear. In my defense, does anyone’s underwear spark joy?)

Then one day I realized that Marie Kondo lied to me. She said if I did a good job at getting rid of things and finished the job in my house that I would never have to declutter again. That was a LIE. I had to do it every year or two. And I wasn’t happy during the time between. What went wrong?

My New Bestie Dana

In my desperation, I decided to read some Dana K. White to hear her take on it. She advertises herself to be a big slob and I found while reading her books that her house actually was worse off than mine. It was interesting because some of the things she mentioned I had learned myself the hard way. Like, the more often you wash dishes the less time it will take to do them. I had started aiming for three times a day. This meant that I would probably get them done at least once or twice a day, but they never piled up on me to the point of overwhelm. This is a priceless nugget of wisdom for someone with ADHD and I knew this to be true. If she knew this, what else did she know?

I think I binge read three of her books. They all said mostly the same things but the encouragement I got from them was priceless. The biggest take away and what has actually improved my house a ton I’ll share with you now. And if it helps you, you should really read her books because she’s practical and her method of decluttering doesn’t involve a huge pile of clothes in your living room floor for surprise company to see when you need a break and can’t complete the sort till tomorrow.

Dana’s Method

Here’s how I manage my house without losing my mind.

Every day I put away the clean dishes, wipe down the counters, table, and stove, sweep the kitchen floor, and do the dishes at least once (but I try for twice). I make my daughter clean the bathroom every single day. This means getting clutter off the counter, washing the mirror, tub, and toilet when needed, and dealing with refilling the soap, toilet paper, and sweeping the floor. It takes her about five minutes a day.

I work best with a to-do list of important things I need to get done for the day or sometimes if I’m in a hurry I’ll have a weekly list. Each day, in addition to my everyday life things, I plan to declutter one or sometimes two areas. It might be my night stand, or the cup cabinet, or just the bar. Dana says to start with the stuff company would see first. That makes sense, but I don’t always do it that way.

My Method

Then I added something special to Dana’s method. It’s called a Pomodoro timer. Cleaning the house can be boring and not everyone works well with a list. I have ADHD and crave novelty so lately my list has two sections, one for my daughter and one for me. We set the timer for 20, 30, or 40 minutes and work on the things on our list frantically. Then when the timer goes off we take five minutes to grab a snack and go to the restroom and then we watch a TV show and then set the timer to work again. We’ve been getting a lot of television watching done when my husband isn’t home but believe it or not, we’re getting more chores done as well.

It took me all day to get a year’s paperwork sorted and all my tax documents and deductions ready to go but it was painless this way. For someone like me who’s allergic to paperwork this was big. I’m a huge procrastinator and I’m happy that Dana’s working on a book about procrastination next.

I’ve found myself excited about what I can get done in a day. I’ve been writing out my list the night before and trying to find things that can be done in 20-40 minutes. My daughter’s room is almost completely clean. We’ve had surprise company a few times and it was such a relief that the house wasn’t a mess. The laundry stays done, the floors stay clean, her homework is getting done on time, it’s like magic.

Negative Body Doubling?

I’ve asked myself why this new TV method is so effective for me (and what that says about me as a person) but I think I know. The TV method isn’t for me. It’s for my daughter. She’s super motivated by TV if it’s the right show. (We have a show we only watch together and luckily it has 7 seasons.)

I’ve found that when my daughter is working I’m super motivated to get stuff done. But when she’s just sitting around I can’t FORCE myself to do anything. Somehow she guilts me into spending time with her (talking) and she sucks me into her teen drama (I’m a sucker for teen drama.) I think it’s called body doubling. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s an ADHD productivity hack.

The principle is that we need to know we’re not alone doing our work. I really hate that it’s true for me but it certainly is. It may sound crazy but it’s a thing. There are people who get together over video chat just to work silently alongside someone else. (No, I’m not that desperate yet, but give me time.)

For me, body doubling isn’t necessary to get things done but negative body doubling is crippling to my productivity. Now when she has nothing to do and I need to work I make her go out of my sight. Knowing this about myself has been life changing.

I hope this can help someone struggling with managing their home and please check out Dana K. White’s books. They’re really what I needed to get myself organized and start moving again.