From FOMO to JOMO
If you asked me what I’ve struggled with most in life I’d immediatly say life balance. I think this is a common problem, especially among women, but it can be absolutely paralyzing for someone with ADHD. I didn’t even believe ADHD was real until I realized I had it less than two years ago. I thought ADHD meant a person that couldn’t focus. I was excellent at focusing—sometimes. On things I wanted to focus on—actually things my mind chose to focus on. But I was very good at it, exceptional even. Then I learned that ADHD was a problem controlling focus.
That sounded a lot like me.
It’s like trying to get a glass of water out of a fire hydrant. It’s water you want but what good is it if you can’t control it? A fire hydrant is exceptionally good at putting out a large fire. That’s where it shines. The big, important tasks. But you’ll have a lot of trouble with the smaller tasks if that’s all you have to use.
I’ve done some cool and amazing things in my life. I wrote a full sized novel in about two and a half weeks once. Don’t ask me what I ate during that time and certainly don’t ask me how many times I showered but I got it done and it is my most successful book to date. Replicating those results with a “balanced” lifestyle is like trying to put out a house fire using a kitchen faucet.
Time has never been my friend. I’m what they call time blind. If that’s not the scientific name for it then it should be. I don’t experience time the way other people must because I once held a lightbulb for eight hours straight as I sat in the floor painting it and watching it dry. It was a craft project and when it was finally finished I realized that I hadn’t moved from my place on the floor for over eight hours. Not to get up and stretch my legs, not to use the restroom or to eat. Time didn’t exist. I still have that lightbulb. It’s one of my favorite Christmas ornaments.
Now that I’m in my late 40s I’m suddenly realizing that there’s so much left to do before I can allow myself to die. I’m not afraid of death for myself. I am afraid of it for my family because they have no idea how I pay all the bills without using any paper. But I’m sad about death. I’m sad because I know we all get one amazing, wonderful, wild life and I worry I’ve wasted mine.
FOMO is the fear of missing out. It’s what causes us to overcommit ourselves and take on more than we actually have time for. So the opposite of FOMO (and the ultimate cure) is JOMO, the joy of missing out. Because no matter how much we accomplish in this life we’re going to miss out. There are way more experiences to choose from than we’ll ever have time for in one lifetime. So we’re always missing out on something. Always.
JOMO is the joy of missing out on the things at the very bottom of our list. I think it’d be cool to see the ocean some day but it’s not on my bucket list. I really don’t care that much about it. In fact, if I wanted to go to the beach I’d need to save up the money for vacation, plan a time to go, get someone to water the garden and watch the dogs and stress about it the whole time I was gone. And I know that all those resources could go to something I wanted to do more. That’s the joy of missing out. Choosing wisely.
In the end, we’ll probably still have regrets. Things we wished we’d accomplished. Things we wished we hadn’t spent so much time on. But thankfully for Christians we have a new life to look forward to, with unimaginable experiences waiting for us in a place where time no longer exists. That puts it into perspective a little bit, doesn’t it?
I know what God is trying to tell me now. Is God calling you away from a spirit of fear and into a spirit of joy?
